As I fell asleep last night, I asked myself about the future. What did I want to see there? I asked myself to seek the answers.
In the morning I wake up in bed with my future self and my past self. We are all there under the covers. Like we have been, everyday of my waking memory. But I am all three and all three are me. There is no future or no past separate from me. Because I am all three.
And my Future Self says “Take A Walk With Me, Pono.”
And so we all three go down to the beach for a short run and a think, and a chat.
Future Self is super calm, and rational, and Past Self is strangely quiet.
Future Self says, “Hey, I get that we’ve been spending a lot of time and resources on Past Self, and you know, thats cool, but if we really want to focus on the future, we should all hang out in the present more often, together. Like a family. This little battle between you two has really gone on long enough, right?”
And I, Present Self, and Past Self both nod our hands in silence. And we all grab hands and keep walking along the beach. It’s a cold, but still, December sunny day. Yesterday’s wind had swept the sand clean like a desert, the birds are free and flying after jumping fish. Surfers battle choppy waves. We keep walking.
“So here’s the deal,” continues Future Self, “if we all communicate a little better and hang out together more often…you know, just sit still, we can work with each other. I know Past Self doesn’t want anymore regret, pain or remorse. And Present Self is pretty stressed and concerned, which is why I’m really glad that Present Self finally asked me for help last night. ‘Cause I can help, if you two are ready and willing to compromise a bit.”
I am beginning to feel at ease, I understand what Future Self is saying. I didn’t know she was there, I had thought I had to carry all the weight, which really made me pissed off at Past Self for making such bad choices under duress. Yet, here is Future Self, not upset, totally calm, willing to let bygones be bygones and start anew.
“You see, all three of us are responsible for our happiness. We are in this together, so we should pool our resources, help each other out. You guys haven’t really been receptive to me, so I have just been laying low, letting you battle it out between each other. Every time I tried to step in, both of you would feel fear and regret. I realized you just weren’t ready. It was hard to be quiet. But I love you both. So, here’s what were gonna do. Were gonna be more considerate of each other. That’s all. When we have a decision to make that effects us all, were gonna make it together and make sure that what benefits one of us doesn’t harm the other. Its just that simple. Not really rocket science, kids.”
And in that moment, I hear Past Self sigh, a deep long sigh, as if she hadn’t slept in a thousand years. And I, Present Self, feel the levity of her rest. And I also feel the assurance of Future Self’s presence. I know she won’t leave me, as long as I want her here. Her terms seem so reasonable to me, I wonder how I hadn’t noticed her before. I realize there is no reason to fear, because I can always talk to her, and she will understand and help me with any decisions I have to make. And I know now that as long as we all consult each other, and share the weight, we can live, finally, in peace.
We sit down on a sand bluff and contemplate the sun twinkling off of the white peaks scattering in the blue sea.